Doing 90 kph as I type this. Currently travelling south along a back road surrounded by the green of hay fields and trees.
Again, I am blogging, not texting while I drive…so I am safe.
Sipping coffee as I go and biting into a sausage sandwich or muffin or whatever the golden arches told me I would be lovin’ this morning.
Cell phone is hanging from my ear as I make the first business calls of the day. Toothbrush is in my ear…if George Weasly can do it, why can’t I? Brush is caught in my knotted hair.
Drops cell phone
Sorry, that was close. Now, where was I. Ah, yes, now I am just thinking I need a blowjob to make this drive perfect.
Just thankful it is not snowing. Safety first, ya know.
SHIT! I think I just ran over a squirrel. He should have known better.
Oh well, hopefully he did not damage my tire. Those things are expensive. The last time I ran over a squirrel, the hole in my tire cost $200…and the dry cleaning bill for the spilled coffee on my trousers was another $20. We will not discuss the cost of the burn as that lawsuit is still pending and I am expecting quite a nifty pay out from the company that I bought the coffee from.
The worst part of that incident was the woman giving the blowjob…that was three days ago, and I have not heard from her since. I do not know if it was the scalding coffee that pissed her off, or that I told her that I was going to go home that night and fuck my wife.
Being I don’t have a wife, that was a lie anyway as I was hoping to make it an easy break up. I did not want to have to tell her that her unibrow had finally scared me off.
I did offer to have the squirrel stuffed for her to keep as a memoir.
Alas, the last image I have of her is her ass jiggling as she ran through some random hay field screaming something about “bastards” and “son of a bitch”. I don’t recall, exactly, as I was busy calling another friend to see if she wanted to go for coffee.
As they say, get right back on the horse and ride it until it is dead…then sell it to the glue factory.
I hope no squirrels get in my way when I am delivering the horse to the glue factory.