Presumptions of Play

Taboo is such a funny word.

Taboo…that which must be wrong because we dare not discuss it. A bit like George Carlin’s take on the word sacred…

Thanks to the current gf, I have been able to explore some unique taboos lately. For one, she and I dance…and anyone reading my writing realizes that the Genesis sing “I Can’t Dance” was written for me. She has me dancing to cuts that usually involve certain thoughts going through my head such as, This isn’t music!

Okay that is really not a taboo…but watching me dance likely should be, as it must scare many.

The fact that we are dancing at a swingers club, however…more to the point. The fact that this particular place is quickly becoming a regular hangout on our non-kid weekends is something of a shock. Before you ask, as no doubt you will, we do more there than just dance.

It truly is an amazing place where knowledgeably consenting adults can enjoy their pleasures in any way they see fit. As usual, my key term is “knowledgeably consent”. When you first walk into the place…question number one asks if you are aware that this is a swingers club.

The gf and I were there last week for or first Friday evening. No doubt it is the club’s busiest night as couples get in with no cover before ten and single guys get a discount.

The single guys could be a bit of where this goes off the rails, however. Some…note the word choice, “some”… presume that showing up is enough reason to assume they will get to play. They forgo the ideals of attraction and etiquette…thinking this is like a strip club where the private dances are included in the cover charge.

As I wandered through the bdsm crowds the last few years, one thing I learned is how important etiquette is.

These gentlemen that walk in and immediately begin posting at the women without so much as asking her…never mind taking to her…they need to have a rude introduction to the word etiquette before their ideas of play cross into the realm of assault.

It all comes back to one of my favorite concepts…entitlement. They feel entitled without doing any of the work to gain such pleasures.

For the record, due to one yahoo I had to manhandle away from the gf after she had said “no” thrice…I have waited a week to cool off before writing this. ┬áThis drove home the realization that, fun as these places are, there are still idiots among the open minded…serious potholes to be warned about.

Most single guys, I suspect, this would not be an issue. With me it would not have been…I am not one to follow traditions much, but etiquette is absolutely followed so I can learn the rules of what works and what does not. I have always seen any sex as mutual pleasure…I am not entitled to her pleasuring me just because I show up.

I am entitled to a safe and comfortable environment…that’s it. The rest requires knowledge and consent…no means no, without question…and there is no competition to win.

I will say watching my gf blow another guy made my evening last week. Sounds weird, but was actually something that addressed and unpacked some old baggage that I am not certain I was even aware I still carried. A lot of my insecurities ran away with the single thought that she would be coming home with me still.

I have started often that one man cannot be everything for one woman…nor vice versa. With all this realized, as I watched her sucking that guy’s cock, I felt more confident that she is mine than I have with anyone before. Of all things that swinging is about…that it could teach one…I suspect self confidence is not one most would think of.

2 Comments

  1. I’m proud of you for defining your relationship the way you want to, the way it is the most fulfilling for you, and nurturing each other the way that works for you both. Great post.

    –Julie

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