Isn’t It Awfully Nice to Have a Penis

Photo by Fred RockwoodIt was tempting to post for The Penis Project a certain video and to use it as part of my fictional Songbirds series…but that would not do the meme justice.  The idea was to have the main character, Nigel…a shock-jock, giving his listeners an ear-full about his penis.  Would have been a cute story, but not really honest.

We fiction writers get paid to lie.  Today, however…

“…and now for something completely different.” – Monty Python

So how about beginning with the honest point that men are generally much more visual creatures than women, no?  Anyone want to dispute this point?  Of course there are exceptions, but it is men that buy most of the porn, and that is reason enough to accept this theorem.  Women read more of the erotica giving them much less interest in looking at a penis in pictures than in their mind’s eye.

Thus when people say that sex sells…and again, unlikely any would deny that statement…it is usually the female sexuality that is doing the selling.  Usually being the key term.  Certainly that “and she tells two friends” commercial of the mid-1980s was all about making a guy think of threesomes with all those two friends.

The female form is so much more acceptable in image than the male.  Something about that knobby bit that sticks out so that the male’s partner can pull him around like a tug boat.  There are always the ads with male athletes in their underwear or tight t-shirts, but they rarely focus on what is going on between the legs.

We all have one.

Yet we are ashamed of it as a society.  The penis must remain hidden while the female breast must be celebrated.  Something of a hypocrisy, no?

When men buy “toys”…and no, not those toys, but cars and boats and large things…people always accuse them of compensating for having too small of a penis.  Does this mean a man driving a compact vehicle is hung like a horse?  Does this mean the guy who buys the Mini Cooper is 18” long?  Of course not…but there is this assumption that everything a man does is somehow connected to his penis even though he is afraid to show it and, thus, tries to show it other ways.

Pathetic, really.  The attitude, that is…not the men buying “toys”.  Stepping back it is quite easy to see that women also buy “toys”, but just of a different nature.

But this is how society thinks.

The question becomes about correcting this.  How can it be corrected?

The answer is obvious, of course…pantless Thursdays.  All should go commando!  WHO’S WITH ME?

Okay, perhaps not the best idea this old brain has come up with…especially once winter hits and the penis shrivels into the body trying to stay warmer.

On these assumptions and criticisms, however, men are the worst.

Take the porn and how lesbian women are thought to be hot and sensual and yet many would turn their nose up at two gay men.  Remember how until the late 80s magazines like Hustler and Penthouse would show couple pictorials where the female would play “hide the erection”, keeping it hidden to only appear through suggestion…okay, truth is, some of that softcore old-style pornography using suggestion was much hotter than the average modern hardcore, but that was not the reason why they were doing it.  In many cases, it was censorship laws as the penis was seen as more offensive than the vagina…at least this part has changed.

On any adult sex or swinger site there are many couples who want a single woman to join them for a threesome…that is not really swinging, but the thought of the man watching his woman being fucked by another penis does not appeal to him.  The thought of the man accidentally touching another penis, or worse yet having the penises accidentally touch, is another turn off for so many.  It never occurs to most that lips and hands are gender inspecific…and that perhaps the female partner would like a fantasy fulfilled where she is shared…BUT DON’T TOUCH THE OTHER PENIS!  Could these guys possibly survive a full-blown orgy?  Another point is that so many swinger couple profiles lead with the sensual female pictures…not the cock-shot…as they realize that will not get them far.

This is how we were trained as a society.  It does go beyond it, but the image of the penis is the perfect example of how the genders are viewed differently.

So what if there were no penises?

For one, the dildo industry would have nothing to base their shape on and would disintegrate.  Skyscrapers would likely not be thought of as phallic.  Men would buy large cars to compensate for their small noses.  Women would want more men like Pinocchio and then demand that they lie.

Numerous others come to mind that are not so funny, but the picture is clear.

As such, for those of us that do have one…speaking of that tempting video…Isn’t it Awfully Nice to Have a Penis?


  1. I like everything about this. Snake picture, well-written article (although I think there are far more visual women out there than is suggested), and especially the video of always-brilliant (er, almost always) Monty Python. Bring on pantless Thursdays!

  2. First off thanks for your contribution to the project. A very enjoyable take on the perceptions of the male form and you hit the swinger nail right on the head. I struggled and tried to recall an ad featuring the man and could only vaguely remember a few with couples looking for another man. It sort of ties out to the line in Ghost Busters…”Don’t cross the streams”

    Thanks again for taking the time to contribute.

  3. Great article. I am all for the pant-less Thursday, though it would cause quite the stir in our little community. (not to mention f few jealous women…lol)
    Seriously I do see the hypocrisy in how the two sexes are treated. For the most part unless your a porn star they request you keep you penis to yourself and in private company. This is so unfair as the woman are encouraged to show their breast and other delicate parts. What is good for the geese should be allowed for the ganders.
    Thank you for sharing this great piece.

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