Director Jake and the Mime-Panty Fetish

Author’s note: Until two months back, I’d forgotten how fun Jake was to write. He was always more humour than erotica, but it really is a hoot.

On Halloween, Oct. 31, my newest release of four short stories featuring Jake hits Amazon…the cover is to the right. One of the shorts some will recognize as a rewrite of his first appearance, Director Jake and the Flaming Mattress…but the other three are new. This story below is new and was to be part of the second Jake release that is already in the works…but seeing this week’s Kink of the Week meme, I decided this was better suited as a refresher of who Jake was. If you like this one, please check out Director Jake on Amazon by clicking on the picture…and part two, by the way, should be out early in 2016. So allow me to set the scene…

There is a restaurant/brewery in downtown Spokane, Washington called the Steam Plant (Google it…it’s real…although I’m not certain they serve nachos)…and Jake is sitting across from his bookkeeper, and ex-pornstar, Vance. As is typical, Vance is offering a drunken idea…and Jake looks much too serious…


…”Mimes? You’re kidding, right?” Jake sipped his Scottish Ale and glanced out the window.erotica

The only view the window offered was other buildings of central Spokane. The Steam Plant was an old factory turned into a restaurant and brewery, and Jake liked it…but not for its mountainous view. Downtown Spokane had pockets where one could see the mountains, but not from where he currently sat.

“Yeah,” Vance said with a wide grin. “It’ll be a squirting scene where he gets her off until she soils her panties.”

Jake raised an eyebrow. “Soils them?”

“She squirts!”

“Oh, and thus…”

“Yeah, the title…”

They said together, “The Mime’s Dirty Panties.”

Vance laughed and slurped his own pint of dark brown ale. “You like it, right?”

“No.” Jake shook his head and looked down at his hat on the table. “The dirty panties kink is common, but I think the mime angle knocks this idea too far into a┬ániche category.”

“Well, yeah, but there must be some people that get their rocks off by watching mimes.”

Jakes blue eyes widened between blinks. “I’m sure there are, but in my twenty years of filming porn, I’m not sure I’ve met any.”

“Oh.” Vance looked away as though searching for the waitress that was to bring their plate of nachos.

“Come on, Vance, you’ve been in this business long enough to know some things just won’t bring the volume. Some random cute redhead gives an on camera blowjob and will virally blow away any video I put out that actually involves plot and good dialogue with the sex. The dirty panties, you know, that is a huge audience as there are guys that will actually pay women for those things without actually knowing if they are legit or not.”

“Your…um…nachos,” the waitress said with a wary eye held on Jake.

Vance laughed.

Jake blushed.

She lowered the large platter between them and backed away, trying not to run.

After a moment of silence, Vance broke it, “You’re right, Jake.”

“Of course I’m right. There is something about the female ass that mystifies men. I don’t understand it as the old cliche goes, my kink isn’t your kink, but I can’t deny it.”

Vance nodded sheepishly and picked through the chips to find one drenched in dripping cheese with jalapenos melted in.

“Take spanking, for example. There’s an entire subgenre of erotica and pornography simply on spanking.”

“We should do a spanking film,” Vance offered with a renewed smile as he crunched.

“We could.”

“…with mimes!”

Jake’s shoulders slumped. He picked up a naked nacho chip and eyed Vance. “I doubt Orson Wells ever put up with this shit.”


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