Swingers and the Websites We Use

swing·ing – adjective – informal
  1. (of a person, place, or way of life) lively, exciting, and fashionable.
    “a swinging resort”
    • sexually liberated or promiscuous.

swingers cybersex by Martin aka MahaThe first time that Mrs. Stranded and I walked into a swingers club was in March of 2013. It was Club M4 in Etobicoke, Ontario and we were assaulted with glorious sensual overload.

We knew there were other clubs out there…other people out there…but how to find them? Where do we look?


It began with the almighty Google, of course, and quickly found a list of swinger websites that tickled our fancy. There are hundreds of them, but the list below are the ones we have tried. The list will begin with the worst and work up. This list is also very Toronto-centric as we have yet to do much traveling within the lifestyle…though in February…

…but that’s a discussion for another post.

Shall we begin?

Ashley Madison – Yes, had to include good ole’ AshMad which, surprisingly, is still up and running from what I just checked.

Between its negative-billing style of terms and conditions (meaning they allow themselves to change and not notify users when, nor of specific changes) and recent run-ins with privacy laws…avoid this one. There are, and can be swingers on it, but probably not a good one to give your money to simply based on trustworthiness.

The site, itself, is using the same system it has for the last fifteen years. It is ancient, really slow, and completely outdated. In the aforementioned terms, there is even one listing that they are not responsible for any interactions one has with bots.

Being polyamory and swinging are based on honesty, even this site’s slogan is enough to say we should run from it screaming…waving our arms…and dive off a cliff…twice before using.

Adult Friend Finder – This is likely the best known of sites due to massive marketing.

Sensory overload on what the site offers and it can be difficult to navigate if one is looking for something specific. The one major advantage this one has over the cheaper and free sites is that, due to the monetary investment, when one actually gets a connection it is likely real. There are some things one can do as a free member, but it is extremely limited.

There are, however, definite bots. And the bots tend to swarm one’s account once one ends their subscription. Due to not being limited in the geography of members, it is difficult to find local events and happenings, however.

We have met people from AFF. In fact, we have met a couple who have become great friends, both in lifestyle and in vanilla life, from this site.

Facebook – oh please…

Cafe Desire – We first heard about this site on our visit to X-Club in Mississauga in late 2013. This is where things go very Toronto/Ontario-centric as it is heavily based in Southern Ontario and Western New York with its membership.

A one-time fee gets you a lifetime membership here. This site has one of the easiest event listings to follow, and some of the most detailed bios on any of the sites.

There is, however, much politics to be found on this site…and not sure why. There are discussions of issues with other sites and legal issues that affect this site and, I don’t know the specifics, but it happens often enough to raise eyebrows. Also, the membership has more infighting than any of the other sites…more squabbles between members on the forums that are then broken up by the admin. Not certain why, but this is a big reason this site is ranked so low. It tends to cater to a lot of the Stand and Model crowd that are not as open minded as they claim in their bios.

This site is okay unless you are one of the unwashed and the popular crowd doesn’t like you.

Fetlife – Obviously Fetlife is not officially meant as a swingers site…but we have met folks in the lifestyle from it.

And, for the record, compared to the three above, Fetlife is far superior for whatever one might be looking for. The events listing is superb. There are groups on the site where swingers can actually meet, flirt, and date with like minded. The search function allows control of geography as well, so if one is traveling this site may be the best basic option to see what lifestyle events happen in an area.

The only con to Fetlife…and the reason it is this low on the list…is that it is not just a swingers site. Nothing wrong with that, at all, but this is a review of swinger sites. On Fetlife, swinging is but one of the millions of fetishes to be found.

Menage a Quatre – Our first trip to the aforementioned M4 drove us here, as this is the club’s own social website. So this one, in particular, is very Toronto-centric.

The site is simple. Bios, club events, and comments are easy to find. The chat function can add some intrigue as well. This is much more a specific community-based site than random strangers.

The tech, however, is ancient…but it isn’t meant to be anything else. As fun as the chat can be, there are regular tech glitches affecting it. Being this site is based on a single club, the groups and forums seem out of place with such a small membership.

If you are planning a trip to Toronto and want to meet some in the lifestyle…this site gets a two thumbs up and a “hell yes”.

Nakedworld – This was a site found through a simple Google search. In fact, after Menage a Quatre above, it was likely the second one we joined.

The site has a large membership that makes it interesting. Bios are a bit vague unless one gets wordy in their own descriptions. The membership is free and very easy to start.

Again, the tech on this site is not quite up to speed and certain aspects of the site are not so simple to navigate. The events section and chat engine are horrific and both in serious need of an upgrade. There is also a limit on messages per day which leads to unintentionally having to ignore some incoming messages.

For purely meeting people with no specific venue in mind, this site works.

SwingTowns – This is the most recent site that we have found.

Easily, this is the closest any swingers site has gotten to a social network. This one offers the chance to socialize and play online as one would on Twitter or Facebook, but with lifestyle folks. The events listings are fantastic, although it is missing a geographic filter function. The site also offers travel posts for those looking to reach out during a trip to locals in the area.

A monthly fee makes it a touch more expensive than some of the other sites, but that seems worth it for what the site offers. The biggest con to the site is that the search engine is very limited and could use some improving.

It has quickly become our favourite site, though…with our regular morning greeting on there…”Good morning, and welcum to Wednesday!”

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