Club O Zone is well hidden. Which one might expect for a club catering to swingers.
Albeit, this hidden nature is not completely on purpose as it is behind a mass of road construction just east of Toronto’s Pearson International Airport off of Dixon Road.
Upon pulling in front of the place, our Uber driver’s mouth fell open. Being he only had an address prior to arriving, hard to say if he knew what Club O Zone was and had never seen it, or if he simply got a sense of where we were going. I suspect the former as the outside screams nightclub or reception hall but shows nothing of what goes on inside.
On this cold March evening, the place opened at nine with the usual caveat that couples got a discount for showing up before ten. A bit vague on this, but believe it went from $40 to $69…Canadian funds, of course, so about $10-15 USD***.
***-Stranded in Toronto and C.P. McClennan claim no knowledge of actual US-Cdn exchange rates. If our estimate is wrong and you didn’t bother checking for yourself, we assume no responsibility and reserve the right to have a good ole’ laugh at your expense.
Full disclosure, this was our second visit to Club O Zone. Our first visit was in early August when we dragged our friend Stella Kiink with us to check the place out. It was an unfortunate choice of an evening as there may have been ten couples and Stella. No doubt Stella wouldn’t complain about such an event except no one seemed to be taking their clothes off. Being it was a glorious summer evening, it was simply the wrong weekend to pick, and we needed to return before I completed this review.
Being we were the first registered couple to arrive, our March evening had a similar start. As the night wore on, however, it got much busier. We’ll come back to this in a bit.
The club is an attractive layout. Walking in it gives initial impressions of something swingers would have enjoyed in old Greece or Rome back in the day of Caesar or Homer (no…not Homer J). Sculptures, plants, and dark colours adorn the lobby area. Upon checking in your couple handle is shown on screens in the facility, which is a nice touch in case someone is looking for you and wants to know you are there. During colder months they offer a choice of self-coat-check or paid.
Some recent renovations inside the club made our visit in March a touch different than August. Both times, on arrival, it was quiet enough that we got a full walk around unabated.
There is a problem here, however. Places like Club M4 and Oasis Aqualounge both offer new patrons guided tours. Club O Zone, similar to our visit to NYC’s Bowery Bliss, uses the stand and point method from the lobby…lockers are over there (can’t see them from the lobby) and play areas are back there (can’t see them either).
Upon leaving the lobby, one is greeted by a modern and elegant club atmosphere. A long, well-stocked bar runs the north end of the building. I may have wrong directions, but it felt north. Lots of plush seats, stools, and tables create almost a stadium viewing area around the dance floor. A DJ spins discs opposite the dance floor and sings along with some of them.
Ok, likely just pushing play on his computer but, dammit, I wish he wouldn’t sing. That just wasn’t pleasant. He did play AC/DC’s “Shook You All Night Long”, which this old rocker appreciated more than most of the other mix of dance tunes that evening.
Another difference between this and the other Toronto clubs, Club M4 and Oasis Aqualounge, in that there were BDSM implements noticeable in the place, but no section just for that. Club M4 has the library, and Oasis has its “Dungeon” where BDSM can be the focus, but Club O Zone has no specific area set aside for such. Again, there is a reason for this, and we will come back.
The back area has mattresses galore, as one would expect from an on-premises swingers/sex club. Plenty of nooks, crannies, and viewing areas to watch live porn from and, if so invited, join in. Mattresses are on levels so that viewing from across the room is never an issue. One unusual bed is a large circular one that would be even cooler if they could get it to spin and then surround it with seats. Probably not feasible, but just a thought.
Something that during our stand-and-point tour was not explained well was the lockers. There is a back unmanned desk that is covered in padlocks with keys. Each lock and key have matching numbers printed just in case a magnificent orgasm causes you to forget yours. You can pick whatever locker you like and get to it, but this is one thing a guided tour would make much clearer upon entry.
One excellent thing about this place for voyeurs is that it is single females and couples only. Club M4 and parts of Oasis Aqualounge suffer from, what Mrs. Stranded and I term as the CSGs (Creepy Single Guys). This means that couples wanting to watch together get a potential wall of jerking guys blocking their views. Now…before I get complaints on this, I gave you the link and please understand that not all single guys are creepy, but it is a majority.
Of course, I say this is a good thing, and it segues into a time where we must discuss the clientele.
Club O Zone has no transit access. It is not within a realistic walking distance from any residences. After our visit, upon looking at their marketing, it is evident that they are not aiming for left-leaning urbanites of the city. The clients they are going for, however, they market to very well.
Upon leaving, one will find a parking lot full of expensive vehicles and family vans. Suburban clientele, for certain…and being we own a minivan, not complaining, just pointing out.
Our Uber driver, on the way home, played New Country with some “praise Jesus” lyrics. Again, it makes me wonder if there is some visual giveaway in that parking lot that I don’t see.
The club needs some work. Not so much on facilities, but more on service and inclusiveness to those new to it.
On hearing the first draft of this piece, Mrs. Stranded said to me that, minivan or not, we are not Club O Zone’s target audience. In other words, I have rewritten this last part in a much gentler way. If you want my view on their marketing practice and clientele, I invite you to purchase my next novel, The Orphan War – Savannah Book Three, when it is out October 7, 2016. Savannah, herself, might have a thing or two to say about conservative clients at a suburban swinger club.