Whistling for Tidbits

Author’s note: Marie Rebelle was kind enough to let me pick this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt. This is my third attempt to write this piece as inspired by music…which is something my writing is always inspired by. This week also holds special meaning for me as tomorrow (May 11) marks fifteen years since the passing of Douglas Adams (Towel Day is May 25…tell your friends!). My first attempt was using the music of Level 42, a band who’s very name shows how Douglas inspired them. The next attempt used Pink Floyd, a band that inspired Douglas. Both pieces that, with some work, will show up on these pages later. But then I realized, there was only one song I can use for this:

Press play…

“I liked their porn.”dont-35529 erotica douglas adams hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

“Carson, watch your mouth!”

“Well, I did.”

“If my flipper were longer, I’d smack your snout; I would.”

“Oh, Brad, it was something we couldn’t do.”

Brad twisted and flipped to stare at Carson. “Human sexuality was gross.”

“Oh, I don’t mean the sex. Though I did enjoy watching that, too. I mean the filming. Like you said, our flippers are short, and I couldn’t operate a camera. I was lucky to get the ball in the basket when that human would throw it for us to smash with our snouts.”

Brad considered this before turning around and splashing his tale in the pool again. “You’ve a point there. With our intellect and opposable thumbs, just image what we could have done. And those humans were so violent to those poor balls. There are many mean races, but not many I’ve seen that are quite so brutal to a lower life form.”

“Yes, and imagine if the humans enjoyed sex as much as we did.”

“Absolutely, they would…” Brad snapped around to look at Carson. “Are you sure they didn’t?”

“If they did, why weren’t they having it all the time as the apes and we were?”

“Of course. The apes, much like ourselves, they understood pleasure.”

Carson nodded. “Yes, they did. Bobo and Finnegan used to tell me stories. Shame we couldn’t bring them with us.”

“But the humans must have had some pleasure from sex, no?” Brad rolled upside down on the surface of the water.

“They certainly liked watching it. The humans just watched it on that bloody screen every chance they got.”

“I loved it when I could reach up from our pool there and touch one of the humans. They always thought it was playful affection, but I was trying to knock that damned screen out of their hands before they hurt themselves.”

Carson’s head shook. “They never listen. And I keep going back to the flippers, but if our flippers were long enough that we could hold on to each other as they did while mating.”

“We’d never fuckin’ stop.” Brad rolled back over.

“Right you are, Brad.”

“That would be amazing. All that sensuality and passion we feel, and it would last longer than ten seconds.”

“I blame that human, Darwin,” Carson said with a chuckle.

“He only figured it out; he didn’t start evolution.”

“Oh, no? See, I should’ve known that. I figured it was too bright of an idea for humans to kick start on their own.”

Brad nodded. “They were a race of followers, weren’t they?”

“Hey, Brad.”

“Yes, Carson?”

“I’m horny.”

“Oddly enough, me too.”

Carson looked across the pool and saw a spout blow water into the air. “There’s Margaret over there. If we go box her in, we could both have a go. She likes it when we do that.”

“So she does, my friend. Let’s go.”

They turned and began to make the trek across.

“Dammit, Carson, now I fucking want arms.”

“Me too, Brad. Me too.

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